


Snapshots of Deanna Winchester

by Silver Ink (SilverOwlCity)



Series: The Winchester-Bartons [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Always Female Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester-centric, F/F, F/M, Gen, Not a Crossover, Vague Mentions of MCU Characters, no beta we die like dean, technically
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29797092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverOwlCity/pseuds/Silver%20Ink
Summary: Deanna Winchester is the oldest of the four Winchester siblings. Her life is not perfect, but it’s still her life and she wouldn’t have it any other way.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s), Dean Winchester/Original Male Character(s)
Series: The Winchester-Bartons [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586293
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	1. Girls and Boys

Deanna remembers her first kiss only vaguely. She remembers is being at a party and playing spin the bottle – or something like it. She doesn’t remember the specifics of who or how long or how skilled they were.

What she knows is that she didn’t nearly enjoy kissing the boys as much as the girls.

So for the next few years, she avoids kissing boys unless she’s seducing money out of them. She doesn’t bring them home after the first one because she’s seen how attached they get to her family even in the short amount of time that two weeks is. She knows that that’s how you accidentally out people and get slurs spat at you in the hallways. Deanna plays the game because she knows how not to lose. Besides, if she’s focused on girls, she doesn’t have to worry about the complications of finding birth control.

Until she’s fifteen and food is running low. Running low enough that she and Laura don’t eat dinner. She’s done it a few times before – go to a bar, offer her _services_ to a willing customer and make a few hundred bucks. It works particularly well that night when she finds a guy only a few years older than her. He offers almost triple her fee if she’s up for something more than just twenty minutes in the alley on her knees.

She hates it. It’s not a memory she likes to think about.

She ignores the memory of that night for two months until they’re out of food again. Their stockpile is getting low again and she knows she’ll have to go to find a truck stop or seedier bar soon.

Soon turns out to be three days after John said he’s be home and a week after her encounter with the werewolf he’s chasing. She saw a couple of standalone bars that should work. Her IDs aren’t awful quality, but she’s still had a few confiscated and been turned away.

Unfortunately, she’s not only caught, but there’s a couple cops there, breaking up a bar fight. One of them breaks off when he hears the bouncer declare the ID a fake. He’s clearly seen enough kids trying to do the same that he recognizes that she’s not only underage, but still a minor.

Deanna’s in the car, trying to figure out how she’s going to contact Laura and the boys, when she starts to feel . . . off. Two minor vomiting sessions later, she’s in the emergency room, cuffed ‘for her own protection’.

She knows before the results come back. She knows that John’s going to be pissed. And when he doesn’t pick up the phone, she knows he already is.

John visits her once, two months after she’s sent to Sonny’s. She expects that he’ll pick her up to take her to get the operation done, whether she wants to or not. Or maybe he’ll sit there and yell at her. He doesn’t do either. He doesn’t even talk to her.

He just looks at her for a few moments, grimaces, and shakes his head. Then, he’s gone.

And it’s suddenly all in Dean’s hands. _She_ has to make all the decisions for herself.

She doesn’t get an abortion, but she does opt for adoption. She certainly can’t take care of the child, not if she’s also got Sammy and Adam. But she’s not going to do what John wants her to do, even if it may be the best choice, because she doesn’t have to. Making that choice feels weird and overwhelmingly good.

John doesn’t call or visit again the entire time she’s at Sonny’s. She goes to school until her _situation_ becomes obvious and the whispers start. Sonny and the other helpers homeschool her to the best of their abilities when she refuses to go back.

Life is good. Well, maybe not _good_ , but it’s better than it had been.

She misses Laura and the boys more than anything, but she knows this is better. She’s seen how weird her appetite has gotten and how much more she started eating and knows there was no way in hell they’d be able to afford feeding all four – five – of them.

It’s painful for her to think about, but she thinks it’s worth it.

And when she finally has the child, she cries. It’s the first time she’s cried of happiness that she can remember and it feels good. He’s the only kid she ever plans on having and now, she’s giving him his best chance. And it feels good to know that her son won’t be raised like she was.


	2. Fucking Hell

When Sam fell into the Cage, Deanna had done everything she could to save him. Of course, what that _really_ meant was that Cas had done everything he could to figure out how to save Sam and Adam.

Those two weeks had been hell for Dean.

She was supposed to protect her siblings. She had failed miserably. Both her brothers were in Hell – the ninth circle, the Cage, whatever the fuck you wanted to call it. Her sister was living her life, had all but _escaped_ , and Dean kept pulling her back in.

And then there was Cas. Her priority was, of course, her siblings, but she wasn’t sure she wanted them back if it would also cost her Cas. And that was a feeling she wasn’t ready to accept existed. She’d known the guy for barely a year and already she was placing him above her family – the only people who had accepted her.

So, she’d just ignored that little feeling and went in search of other angels. Cas gave her some summoning spells that were rumored to work, as well as an Angel blade from an old foe. And then she’d listened to Sam and called Lisa.

It had been years since she’d thought about Lisa. _Years_. And then – then she showed up on a hunt. And she had a _son_.

Dean had felt like she’d been slapped. She hadn’t been lucid enough to remember most of her flings the next morning, let alone years later. Seeing Cassie had been the first time she’d seen one of her old flames and _felt_ something. It was odd for her to feel that again – odd to keep coming back to someone.

And what’s worse, Cas was _there_. He could hear what was going on, Dean was certain. She knew she wasn’t subtle and that even if she were, the angel could easily listen in on her conversations. He could hear as she and Lisa sparked up a friendship and pushed for something more.

And he didn’t even acknowledge it. He didn’t seem hurt; he didn’t even seem to _care_ that she was moving on.

He didn’t mention it and neither did she. The hunt for Sam and Adam became awkward. Neither seemed to want to talk beyond what was necessary and Dean could tell that Jess could notice.

They had figured it out. Ten days after Sam and Adam had gone into hell, Dean had assembled a group of angels willing to go against the failed grand design and rescue the Winchester boys.

Cas had taken the lead and directed the plan to move through the ranks of hell. Dean couldn’t remember any of her time down there beyond the torture – couldn’t remember how the wasteland had been set up. But Cas could. They didn’t mention why he knew the crevices of hell or how they aligned their torture chambers.

Within fourteen days, both of her brothers had been rescued and Cas had recovered from death’s door. And Deanna had kissed him. In thanks, relief, or just because she really wanted to, she couldn’t say.

She’d kissed him and he hadn’t said anything about it. He’d been awake for three days since saving Adam and he hadn’t spoken to her – hadn’t answered her questions or responded to her admittedly bad attempts at small talk; it felt like he was avoiding her. And that was not something she could deal with.

So she hadn’t. She told Sam she was sorry, but she was done. Laura was coming over the next week with the kids. Dean would stay until they left, but she would leave after they did.

It was the first time in her memory she’d been able to keep her word.

Dean had packed her bags and the morning after Laura left, she piled into Baby and made her way to Lisa’s. Lisa was her friend and, unlike Cas, had shown an interest in her. Even if she decided she wasn’t ready for a relationship or if Ben didn’t want another mother figure, Dean would at least have a friend.

It was more than she’d had in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've realized I left gaps and plots holes that are incongruent with the show. I know they were there for a reason, but I cannot for the life of me remember them and I lost my notes a while ago. So, I'm trying to fix those.

**Author's Note:**

> It’s not great, but my work here isn’t meant to be. This is meant to be fun and all the parts of writing I like.
> 
> Anyway, this is the background I’ve had in mind for Dean for a while, it includes some of the reasons I went with Deanna instead of Dean. It comes in different little snapshots of her life. So far, I’ve got two done and I’m finishing a third. I think that’s all I have for now.


End file.
